Sara Mathewson » Healing

No new art

Sara — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 01:42:50 +0000

I decided I had better stop in to say “hi” to those who read this blog. I have probably lost most of my readers in the past few months with so few posts and no new art. I have been flaring again and unable to really do much. I do sit down and play with the watercolors and papers and my palette. I did order some new paints from Daniel Smith. I really love the paints from there. Some of my new paints are: Cobalt Teal Blue–love it!, Bronzite which is a cool bronze color. I’ve never had a metallic paint so this could be fun. I also got Quinacridone Pink. I already have Q. Rose and wanted this lighter version, very pretty and good for florals. I had to get their limited edition Opera pink. It is a fluorescent pink and I have seen other brands carry it, but this is the first time I have seen this color at Daniel Smith. I have seen it mentioned on some other watercolor blogs and also in magazines and just had to try it. I think it will make some great mixtures for oranges and violets. I haven’t tried it with my blues yet, but I did try it with Hansa yellow medium and New Gamboge and it does make a lovely orange with both of these colors. Very clear. I think it may need to be used sparingly as it is kind of fugitive from what I gather. I normally buy paints that are very light fast, but I couldn’t pass this one up. Kind of like using Alizarin Crimson. Although now that they have that in a more permanent form, I try to use that instead of the original. Not every painting is a masterpiece, but I still want them to hold up for a very long time. I did get DS’s Cobalt Violet too. I have this from another paint manufacturer and hated it, but the one from DS I love! It is very pale, but will make wonderful mixtures. The other brand would get this gross grease layer on top in the palette. I hated that. This is totally different. It just goes to show that the same colors from different paint companies can have totally different characteristics. So, if you don’t like a color from one manufacturer, you can always try it from another one. I bought a Cerulean Blue from DS and I have to say I am a bit disappointed in it. It is much darker than I thought it would be. I was really looking for that wonderful sky blue color that some Cerulean Blues are. I think that is the first one I have been disappointed with. I did get a new Primatek color from them, Amethyst Genuine. It is a fairly dark granulating violet. I have a few other Primatek colors from DS and really like them, especially Sleeping Beauty Turqouise and Amazonite. The Primatek colors are made from pigments from the earth. They are like the pigments that were used first in watercolors and other mediums. All from the earth and natural pigments. Some of them are very intense and some are very light but all of them are interesting and make wonderful mixtures. So I’ve been playing with these paints and rearranging my palette to include a few of them. I need a palette with more wells in it. I have looked at all the palettes that are out there and have debated and debated and I am thinking of getting Cheap Joe’s Piggyback palette with the extra palette. That way I can have the colors that I don’t use as often in the piggyback part and it has more wells than my current two palettes. It is a tough decision. I am starting to use bigger flat brushes, so I have looked at some with bigger wells, also. It boils down to needing more wells for my many colors. I think the wells will be large enough. I’m going to have to wait on that though as I just made a big order at Jerry’s Artarama. Chris’s daughter Kasie is now living with us and she has been wanting some art supplies. She wanted to try some water soluble oils so I ordered some of those for her and I ordered some canvasses. I have been wanting some oil pastels, so I broke down and bought two different kind. One of them is Sennelier and one I can’t remember, but I’m sure they will be harder than the Sennelier’s and will make good under-paintings. I bought two larger flat bristle brushes for watercolor washes. Oh, and I finally ordered some gesso that I have been needing for months. Suffice it to say I won’t be making an art order for some time, especially since I haven’t produced anything worth showing to anyone much less putting in a gallery.

Speaking of galleries, several people have been asking when I am going to come back to the Artist’s Co-op Gallery here in Arivaca. I was a member when we lived here before, but I got too sick to stay there. I really want to be back there as I have many friends there and it’s a social thing as well as a place to hang some of my work. They have wall space, so I decided it is time to re-apply.

My health is somewhat precarious at the moment. It seems that any little stress will send me into a flare. I am eating healthier and that is a very good thing. I think it will end up helping greatly. In particular we are eating lots of fermented foods. We have a source of raw goat’s milk and we have been making kefir (I drink about a quart of this a day) and Chris has been soaking our grains in active whey and then using them in bread and also sprouting the grains as well. We now have a grain mill and have been milling the grains going into the bread. It is all sourdough from a starter that we made from the natural yeast in the air here. All of these things aid in digestion and add more nutrients to the food. We have been using spelt flour, trying to avoid wheat, so in that way we are doing much better. We are also moving to a place on the other side of town that a friend of ours owns. It is ten acres of land and there is a labyrinth on it. We will live in the motorhome there and there is also a travel trailer that will have a bedroom for Kasie and a studio for me… yay! And the best thing is that we will be caretakers of the land, so we only have to pay electric! The land has great energy and we are very happy to do this. Life is good.

Namaste,

Sara

I’m Back!

Sara — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 05:12:43 +0000

Well, I am finally back. After a summer spent in our motor home in MN and visiting with our kids, we are now back in Arivaca, AZ which is where we feel at home. I didn’t get much done painting wise while on the road. Most of the time I was too sick. I am feeling much better now and have gotten my “studio” set up in the dining room of the little house we are renting. I have started painting the sunflower painting on the full sheet of watercolor paper. I will have to have Chris take a pic of it and post it here in the next day or so. It is a work in progress, but I do like how it is coming along. It feels so good to be able to set my stuff up and keep it out so that when I feel good I can sit down and just paint. It was difficult in the RV because of the small space and the fact that every time I wanted to paint I had to take everything out and set it up and then when I was tired I had to put it all away for another time. It took so much energy just in doing that, that I really didn’t have much energy to do the actual painting. It was frustrating and I’m so very glad to be back “home”.

It looks like I may have an actual job coming up as well. There is a nature school being started for Developmentaly Disabled adults and I may be teaching a watercolor class a couple of days a week there. Chris will be working there as well. I have never taught a class before. I actually had my very first teaching experience when I was in MN . I taught the campground host how to do some washes for backgrounds. I also taught her how to use salt with the watercolors. I only worked with her two times, but she was very happy with the lessons. So, I will be working on lessons starting from the beginning with the colorwheel etc. Should be interesting. I just hope I have the energy to do this and to also continue with my painting. I haven’t brought out the pastels yet, but they will be coming out soon I’m sure. It is good to be back and I hope to be posting a few times a week.

sick

Sara — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 23:16:05 +0000

I know I haven”t been on here much lately, but that is mainly because I have been sick and haven’t been able to paint and so haven’t had much to post. Plus, Chris has the camera and is gone. But, he will return late tomorrow–yay!

I seem to have some ongoing stomach thing going on and today it decided to attack my head as well. I really don’t have time for this as we are moving in a little over a month. ugh! Whatever this is be it a bug or a flare, it has me feeling quite yucky. Not so sick that I am on my death bed, but sick enough that I can’t get much done. So, I hope to be back soon to post a painting, but it will be scattered as we are in the midst of packing and sorting and throwing and storing. You get the idea. We have moved 10 times in the past 6 years. I kid you not! This time it is to a motor home where we will be living full time. So, we have to pare down to the main essentials and that is a big task. We are now living in a three bedroom house and will be living in a 33′ motor home. So, I will be here when I can. And hopefully I will be up and running again soon. We should be in MN by the beginning of June where we plan to spend the summer with our kids. I hope to do lots and lots of painting and will be here more than ever. I hope you are all doing well and again, I hope to be back soon.

Possibilities

Sara — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 14:27:39 +0000

I have no pictures to show. Inspired by the “Sunflower on Canvas”, I’m working on larger sunflower painting using a full sheet of water color paper. I won’t be able to show this work until Chris gets back around the 25th. I wrote a poem today which sums up life as I have known it as an adult.

Possibilities

A cloudy morning

brings memories

of long ago.

A day of walking

on campus at U fo M.

Drinking in my autonomy,

loving myself.

And seeing possibilities, so many passing through

my thoughts of life

and what it holds.

It is cloudy here today,

rare, though it may quickly

change to sun.

I feel promises,

and smell the possibility

of rain so welcomed

in this desert.

Interesting how one thing

can be so welcomed

here in this Southwest desert,

yet often unwelcomed

in the greenness of the north,

the place I once called home.

Here the water speaks its life-giving

phrases and we gladly

welcome it.

Dancing in puddles of summer monsoons.

Stopping, halting at raging

washes, be careful.

Rain, life giving force.

Gentle, or thunderous filling

rivers to overflowing.

One moment taking, trampling,

pummeling until the loss is

too much.

Rain so welcomed

on this dry Southwest day.

Spring rain sprouting forth

wildflowers in abandon.

Spring rain raging, flooding,

taking life as it so often gives.

This cloudy day of

memories past.

Of thoughts of possibilities.

The anticipation of new life.

One of my own creation.

Those long ago thoughts happy

with possibility.

Until that possibility became the daily life

created by another of my choice.

Falling into a life led

by terror, by sadness.

A life of empty promises.

So much pain.

So much suffering.

Stuffed daily to make life

“happy” with forced smile,

with children.

Teaching them to think of possibilities.

You hide and stuff and dream of life lost.

Of those possibilities not so long ago

that too long have been forgotten.

Remembering being too painful.

Stuck in a life chosen

by another.

You are a manikin, a shell,

living life, or not.

All energy focused on

loving children.

Your only saving grace.

Eggshell walking daily you

face the double edged sword.

Fearful of life.

Sick and unwanted,

tossed out

and…rejected.

Unloved, never appreciated

for who you really are or were.

For in this daily living,

survival was all you knew.

And self was lost the day

you were led down the aisle.

No possibilities here and you knew.

Desert Rain, cloudy skies

opening me up for new possibilities.

Life full of promise,

full of love for my Beloved.

Thoughts, no memories

of all possibilities felt

when life was still so young, so naive.

Life, older now, living

in a body of old pains, complaints,

leftovers from fear.

Feeling my unique and

wonderful self.

Treasured for who I truly am.

New Life.

New Possibilities.

Cloudy days full of promise.

Cloudy times turning to sun.

Turning to turquoise skies,

to light,

to painting and loving.

To being cherished,

soaking up all promises

of possibilities.

Living, creating a life

full to the brim.

Happiness is mine, ours.

New Life.

New Possibilities.

The Chiricahua Mountains

Sara — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:18:38 +0000

Back in January of 2003, Chris and I took a our first trip to Arizona together. We drove my Expedition(I no longer own it), and we camped in it. First we visited my brother and sister in law in Colorado and then we went down through New Mexico and over to AZ. We stopped in the town of Portal, AZ. It is a beautiful little town and I sat at a picnic table next to the local general store and drew. There is a wonderful stone house there and I took millions of pics of it and drew part of it. I will probably use those pics for a painting of some sort in the future. Anyway, we then went to a campground in the Chiricahua’s. It was a more primitive campground at the time. There were no electric hook-ups etc. The only facilities were some pit toilets that are all metal and I will tell you they get mighty cold in the middle of the night in the beginning of January! Wow! It was a beautiful place with a fairly dense forest. I remember having to wear warm hats to bed as well as socks etc. We had sleeping bags, but no heater for sleeping. It got pretty darn cold too! But, I’m sure we were better off in the Expedition than we would have been in a tent. Chris and I have had many adventures traveling across this Country since then. Lots of good times and memories. But, we will have many more in the very near future. We are going to buy a used RV and plan to live in it full time traveling around this Country and Mexico and even Canada. Of course we won’t be going everywhere at once or even in one year. We will go somewhere and stay there for awhile and then move on. New Mexico will still be our home base. This is very exciting and should be happening by next Sept.

Here are some pics from our first trip to the Chiricahua’s and then a pastel of the Chiricahua Mountains. I just finished it yesterday and am quite pleased with it.

Wow was my hair short!

Here is the newest pastel:

Pain, Fatigue, and Art

Sara — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 02:55:47 +0000

I have been so busy reading everyone else’s blog, that I forgot all about mine:)

I made a decision a few days ago to make sure I spend time drawing everyday. I don’t do enough of it and I really think that my art will be better if I work at the drawing part.

I also have been working on a pastel. It is from a demonstration in a pastel book. So, not an original. I get frustrated when I’m working on a demo., the instructions are not all that clear, or some things seem to be left out. Maybe these are things that I’m supposed to be figuring out, and I do, but after some frustration with it. I have been working on this landscape for a few days. It won’t be a masterpiece, but it counts as more practice. I know there are many things I need to learn, but I’m anxious to get working on my own stuff.

I have been feeling sort of down art wise, in a slump. I have ideas swirling around in my head, but I have to say that my energy just isn’t what it has been. I’ve been feeling”off” for about a week now. It kind of makes me mad. I mean I was doing so good there for awhile and I got a “taste” of what life can be like and now I’m completely wiped out again. I really don’t want to be all whiney here. But, it is part of who I am and it is getting in the way right now so I need to kind of unload. I have some major health issues, FMS/CFIDS/CMP, a seizure disorder, arthritis, restless legs, migraines, hearing loss and tinnitus… the list goes on. Anyway, I live with a good deal of pain everyday. Lately it seems to get unbearable at times. Tonight is one of those times. My hands hurt so bad from the FMS and arthritis. I can barely type. I’m having trouble painting because of this as well. I really hate it when my illnesses get in the way of my art. The fatigue has gotten worse again as well. I guess I’m flaring and I just don’t have time for this! I don’t want to be in bed. I’m tired of being in bed. It has only been about 2 months that I have been up and painting again. After more than 6 months of being basically bedridden and 12 months of not painting. sigh…

On another note, it is my youngest daughters birthday tomorrow. 17 years ago tomorrow at 3:38 in the afternoon, at Fairview Riverside hospital in Mpls, Stephanie Anne Sawyer was born. I think I’m a bit sad because I can’t be there to celebrate with her. Steph lives with her dad in Rochester, Mn. My two other kids, Jessi and Dom both live in that area as well. I miss my kids and Chris’ kids too. I haven’t been well enough to visit them for awhile. The last time was last June when Dom graduated from High School. Since then I have been in bed mostly up until about 2 months ago. I’m having my own little pity party here. I promise I won’t do this often! I’m missing out on big occasions in my kids lives. I know that I made the decision to move down to the SW, and it was a very difficult decision to make. I did it for my health. Believe it or not, I’m in more pain in MN than down here. But, still, it was and remains a difficult decision. I also thought that I would be able to visit them at least a couple of times a year, and it hasn’t been possible. I don’t travel well. We used to have a van that we could put a bed in the back for me, but it died, so we only have a small Honda now and it is very uncomfortable for me to travel any distance in it. I did travel in it last year to MN and it was really hard on me and I ended up very ill by the time we got back home. Oh well, such is life. And really, my troubles are small compared to some. I really have much to be thankful for! Steph says that she will come and visit this summer which will be great! Jessi is going to visit at some point too. I’m hoping that Dom will be able to visit at some point as well. We had Chris’ daughter Kasie here for about a month over xmas and it was wonderful. We miss having her around. Such great energy!

This flare will pass and I will be able to spend more time painting again. In the meantime, I will be working on my drawing. I have a feeling Callie(my little dog) will be my subject for a lot of my drawing. She is by my side most of the day. Right now she is snoozing right here on the bed. I love that dogs love so unconditionally. She has been particularly affectionate today. She must sense my feelings of discontent. See, already I’m feeling better:)